200+ Outstanding Facebook Status 2016

200+ Facebook Status | Status and Quotes For Facebook

Looking for an outstanding Facebook status? You are at the right place. we have compiled a list of 200+ Outstanding Facebook Status in 2016. The whole list is newly updated and contains truly mind blowing and outstanding status for Facebook. These statuses are all typical and brainwashing for everyone. When you’ll post it on your Facebook timeline, you’ll see a positive and outrageous response from the people because these status are truly valuable with words. There are famous sayings and quotes in the list that you can post on your timeline to let others know about your positiveness and a lesson for them. Scroll down and check the whole list! You are going to be amazed with these outstanding Facebook statuses. 🙂

Top 10+ Facebook Status and Quotes Updates

  •  Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
  •  If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
  •  I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.
  • Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids… … …Eat them!
  •  You know, swinging children upside down really opens doors for you.
  •  People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world!
  •  I know it’s sad but I really want to take a slow cruise to China, so I can update my Facebook status with “…is in a real Asian ship.”
  •  WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT, GO LEFT.
  •  You can’t beat going out with your 19-yr-old daughter. It’s like taking along your “before” picture.
  •  Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!
  •  I love my life, but it just wants to be friends…
  •  THE ONLY TIME SUCCESS COMES BEFORE WORK IS IN DICTIONARY.
  •  DON’T THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN UGLY PERSON, THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL MONKEY. IT ALWAYS GETS LAUGHS!
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
  •  It is said that all things grow with love, but I have found a flash of cleavage helps too. Except with tomatoes….
  •  CONGRATULATIONS!!MY TALLEST FINGER WANT TO GIVE YOU A STANDING OVATION. :-
  •  I HAD TO TAKE SICK DAY.I’M SICK OF THOSE PEOPLES.
  •  God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
  •  DON’T THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN UGLY PERSON, THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL MONKEY. IT ALWAYS GETS LAUGHS!
  •  My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
  •  Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them…
  • It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen…
  •  If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two…
  • Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?
  •  LIFE IS SHORT…SMILE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE TEETH.
  •  If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
  •  There is no “me” in team. No, wait, yes there is!
  •  WHY DO STORES THAT ARE OPEN 24/7 HAVE LOCKS ON THEIR DOORS?

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Best Facebook Status and Quotes 

1. ) If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

2. ) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

3. ) Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

4. ) I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

5. ) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

6. ) THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT THE AMERICAN DREAM, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE ASLEEP TO BELIEVE IT.

7. ) I AM NOT A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I LOVE ANIMALS; I AM A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I HATE PLANTS.

8. ) Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

9. ) WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS IF THEY ARE ALL STUCK TOGETHER?

10. ) ALL GUYS HATE THE WORDS DON’T AND STOP UNLESS THEY’RE PUT TOGETHER.

11. ) SAVE PAPER, DON’T DO HOME WORK.

12. ) Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

13. ) NEVER STEAL. THE GOVERNMENT HATES COMPETITION.

14. ) I’m a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.

15. ) I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff… and I want it (:

16. ) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

17. ) Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

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18. ) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

19. ) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

20. ) I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

21. ) Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.

22. ) MY MIND IS LIKE LIGHTING, ONE BRILLIANT FLASH, THEN ITS GONE…:(

23. ) It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

24. ) THIS DOG, IS DOG, A DOG, GOOD DOG, WAY DOG, TO DOG, KEEP DOG, AN DOG, IDIOT DOG, BUSY DOG, FOR DOG, 30 DOG, SECONDS DOG! … NOW READ WITHOUT THE WORD DOG.

25. ) The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

26. ) WARNING!! I KNOW BOXING …..AND SOME OTHER WORDS!!!

27. ) THEY LOVE THEIR HAIR BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO LOVE SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING.

28. ) Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

29. ) Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

30. ) MY “LAST SEEN AT” WAS JUST TO CHECK YOUR “LAST SEEN AT”.

31. ) Someone described me last night as a “cute ball of fun.” It concerns me that they must have got me at a very unfortunate angle.

32. ) A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

33. ) Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

34. ) Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

35. ) If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s tripods with one leg missing.

36. ) Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

37. ) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

38. ) I RAN INTO MY EX TODAY…PUT IT IN REVERSE AND DID IT AGAIN!!!

39. ) We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

40. ) I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

41. ) Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

42. ) I MAY BE DRUNK, MISS, BUT IN THE MORNING I WILL BE SOBER AND YOU WILL STILL BE UGLY.

43. ) You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

44. ) Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

45. ) Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

46. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.

47. ) EVERYBODY WISHES THEY COULD GO TO HEAVEN BUT NO ONE WANTS TO DIE.

48. ) I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

49. ) WHEN IT’S YOU AGAINST ME, YOU EITHER WIN OR YOU DIE!!!

50. ) My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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200+ Outstanding Facebook Status 2016

51. ) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

52. ) THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

53. ) EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY….I HATE THAT.

54. ) I didn t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian…

55. ) Thanks to Twitter, I can’t go anywhere without my mobile. Quick question. Do I take this man to be my lawfully wedded husband?

56. ) ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE. UNLESS YOU’RE A SERIAL KILLER.

57. ) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

58. ) SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

59. ) Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink…

60. ) My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

61. ) 80% OF BOYS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.. REST 20% ARE HAVING BRAIN.I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

62. ) I’m not one to brag about my press exposure, but yes, it’s true what they’re saying in my local paper: I am, in fact, selling my couch.

63. ) A WOMAN BROKE UP WITH ME AND SENT ME PICTURES OF HER AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND IN BED TOGETHER. SOLUTION?? I SENT THEM TO HER DAD. 😀

64. ) I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

65. ) Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

66. ) I WISH MY BOOK OF LIFE WAS WRITTEN IN PENCIL … THERE ARE A FEW PAGES I WOULD LIKE TO ERASE.

67. ) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

68. ) OK I have a new follower today—a plastic surgery business. That means they looked at my face and thought KERCHING!

69. ) IF A BOOK ABOUT FAILURES DOESN’T SELL, IS IT A SUCCESS?

70. ) It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

71. ) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

72. ) Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

73. ) Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

74. ) Important announcement: I’ve just seen the cows going home. We can all stop everything we’re doing!

75. ) Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

76. ) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

77. ) IT’S AMAZING THAT THE AMOUNT OF NEWS THAT HAPPENS IN THE WORLD EACH DAY FIT EXACTLY THE LENGTH OF NEWSPAPER.

78. ) SOME PEOPLE SHOULD JUST GIVE UP AT ENGINEERING( OR MEDICAL) ………I HAVE.

79. ) NEVER GO TO BED MAD. STAY UP AND FIGHT.

80. ) War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

81. ) If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

82. ) The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

83. ) Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

84. ) WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK.

85. ) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

86. ) DOING NOTHING IS VERY HARD THING TO DO…YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO FINISH.

87. ) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

88. ) A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

89. ) Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

90. ) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

91. ) Is it just me that finds the abbreviation for the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons amusing?

92. ) Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

93. ) LIFE IS SHORT – EAT FAST!

94. ) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

95. ) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

96. ) I was once stood up by a policeman. But I was so drunk I fell straight back down again.

97. ) IT IS EASIER TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS THAN IT IS TO ASK FOR PERMISSION.

98. ) don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught

99. ) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

100. ) Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it…

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101. ) IF YOU CAN’T CONVINCE THEM, CONFUSE THEM.

102. ) IF YOU CAN’T GET SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR HEAD, .. THEN MAYBE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. <3

103. ) Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really…

104. ) I wonder if Bono has found what he’s looking for yet? Although, if you’re reading this Bono, I’d try down the side of the couch.

105. ) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

106. ) When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

107. ) Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

108. ) WHEN YOU CAN’T MARRY THE ONE YOU LOVE, :'( MARRY THE ONE WHO IS RICH !! 😛

109. ) Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’

110. ) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

111. ) Being a teen in the ’80s has left me with a lot of questions. Like I wonder if Cameo ever found out what the word up was?

112. ) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

113. ) I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

114. ) HMMMM…..DON’T COPY MY STATUS.

115. ) IT’S NOT TRUE THAT I HAD NOTHING ON. I HAD THE RADIO ON.

116. ) The mother-daughter bond is a strong one, but I’ve just discovered the idiot-playing-with-superglue bond is stronger

117. ) Wearing a shrug, like I just don’t care.

118. ) WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED.

119. ) BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN IS A WOMAN ROLLING HER EYES.

120. ) A LIE IS JUST A GREAT STORY RUINED BY TRUTH.

121. ) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

122. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!

123. ) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

124. ) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

125. ) Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business…

126. ) DON’T TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY, YOU WON’T GET OUT OF IT ALIVE.

127. ) Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

128. ) Always remember that you are absolutely unique… Just like everyone else…

129. ) My mobile phone keeps telling me it’s unable to perform operations. I am relieved. I wouldn’t want it to start one on me when i’m not expecting it.

130. ) IF I’VE LEARNT ANYTHING FROM MAYANS THEN IT’S THAT ..NOT FINISHING A PROJECT IS NOT THE END OF WORLD.

131. ) You know, I don’t think all this time on Twitter WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT WALKING ACROSS THE SCREEN! has affected me at all.

132. ) DON’T KNOCK ON DEATH’S DOOR. HIT THE DOORBELL AND RUN. HE HATES THAT.

133. ) IF YOU COULD KICK THE PERSON IN THE PANTS RESPONSIBLE FOR MOST OF YOUR TROUBLE, YOU WOULDN’T SIT FOR A MONTH.

134. ) I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

135. ) Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

136. ) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

137. ) I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.

138. ) The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

139. ) DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE OR YOU MIGHT SPILL THE DRINK.

140. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?

141. ) “Gods are fragile things, they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.” – Chapman Cohen (1868 – 1954)

142. ) Whe&n some$one with 0 follow##ers sends me a tweet wit-h a link say0ing “you HAVE t~o see th:is,” nothing happens wh$$en you click it right?

143. ) I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

144. ) Listening to radio, poised to call in as soon as I hear George Michael to win a prize. The screeching of brakes outside just cost me £1.

145. ) Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

146. ) I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

147. ) A BOOK-STORE IS ONLY PIECES OF EVIDENCE WE HAVE THAT PEOPLE ARE STILL THINKING.

148. ) Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them…

149. ) Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off…

150. ) A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

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200+ Outstanding Facebook Status 2016

151. ) NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. BY THAT TIME, THEY’LL BE A MILE AWAY AND BAREFOOT.

152. ) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

153. ) IF YOU’RE TOO OPEN-MINDED; YOUR BRAINS WILL FALL OUT.

154. ) GO TO HEAVEN FOR THE CLIMATE, HELL FOR THE COMPANY.

155. ) If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

156. ) A WORD TO THE WISE AIN’T NECESSARY, IT’S THE STUPID ONES WHO NEED ADVICE.

157. ) IN VICTORY, YOU DESERVE CHAMPAGNE. IN DEFEAT YOU NEED IT.

158. ) I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

159. ) We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

160. ) My kids hate that song “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Tom Jones. You do ONE table dance at a parents’ evening…

161. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND…THAT’S WHY PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.

162. ) DON’T DRINK AND PARK – ACCIDENTS CAUSE PEOPLE.

163. ) Even people who are good for nothing can bring smile on your face, when pushed down the stairs…

164. ) I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.

165. ) I DID NOT ATTEND HIS FUNERAL, BUT I SENT A NICE LETTER SAYING I APPROVED OF IT.

166. ) Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

167. ) DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE???

168. ) A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

169. ) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

170. ) DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED EXPECTED?

171. ) Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

172. ) Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

173. ) I HAVE HAD A PERFECTLY WONDERFUL EVENING, BUT THIS WASN’T IT.

174. ) The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

175. ) I’M AN EXCELLENT HOUSEKEEPER..EVERY TIME I GET DIVORCE I KEEP THE HOUSE ;- )

176. ) To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

177. ) A BLACK CAT PASSING BY THE CROSSROAD CAN STOP HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHAT A RED LIGHT ON TRAFFIC SIGNAL HAS FAILED TO DO FOR LONG TIME!!

178. ) I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth

179. ) A LIE GETS HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD BEFORE THE TRUTH HAS A CHANCE TO GET ITS PANTS ON.

180. ) AWESOME ENDS WITH ME AND UGLY STARTS WITH U.

181. ) Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

182. ) WE MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM WOMEN THAT WE WANT FROM UNDERWEAR.SOME SUPPORT AND SOME FREEDOM.

183. ) Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.

184. ) A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

185. ) Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

186. ) SOMETIMES THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED IS LESS TRAVELLED FOR A REASON.

187. ) PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ARE A GREAT ANNOYANCE TO THOSE OF US WHO DO.

188. ) Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

189. ) This Wii console is rubbish! I’ve been crying all day—nothing. Not even a hug.

190. ) If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

191. ) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

192. ) DO NOT TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF IT ALIVE.

193. ) IF COMMON SENSE IS SO COMMON WHY IS THERE SO MANY PEOPLE WITH OUT IT??

194. ) Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

195. ) Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert

196. ) I’m Only Here For The Free Food

197. ) It’s amazing listening to Italian opera, being moved and not really knowing why. Although I think it’s because the kids don’t like it.

198. ) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

199. ) I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

200. ) If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

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201. ) Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

202. ) WHY GOD? WHY ONLY ME? WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME… Didn’t we had a deal that I never get old :'(

203. ) DON’T GET A MAN(\WOMAN) ,GET A DOG …THEY ARE LOYAL AND THEY DIE SOONER.

204. ) There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

205. ) WHENEVER I FIND THE KEY TO SUCCESS, SOMEONE CHANGES THE LOCK.

206. ) My IQ came back negative 😛

207. ) DON’T HIT KIDS!!! NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY HAVE GUNS NOW.

208. ) AFTER GETTING DRUNK, BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY TURNS INTO MASTER OF PHILOSOPHY.

209. ) A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

210. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.

211. ) When in doubt, mumble.

212. ) I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

213. ) I STILL MISS MY EX – BUT GUESS WHAT? MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER 😀

214. ) The only time I ever went “AWOL” was after burning my mouth on a very hot chip.

215. ) I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold … … … and eaten… 😛

216. ) 1F YOU C4N R34D 7H15, YOU R34LLY N33D 2 G37 L41D.

217. ) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

218. ) I saw a therapist about my body confidence issues and she talked about ‘the elephant in the room.’ Is this some reverse psychology?!?

219. ) Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

220. ) No Déjà vu please…I Don’t want to go through that again

221. ) HEY,YOU ARE READING MY STATUS AGAIN??

222. ) With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

223. ) When someone says, “My husband left me for a younger woman,” I know it’s just an old wife’s tale.

224. ) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

225. ) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

226. ) NEVER ARGUE WITH AN IDIOT THEY’LL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL AND BEAT YOU THROUGH EXPERIENCE.

227. ) Suicide: Mans way of telling God – “You can’t fire me, I quit”.

228. ) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

229. ) As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free…

230. ) Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1-2.

231. ) Finally feeling accepted by my b/f’s mum with an invite to a family meal tonight. Bit nervous though. It’s been a while since I last waitressed.

232. ) A WOMEN SAYING “I’M NOT MAD AT YOU” IS LIKE A DENTIST SAYING “YOU WON’T FEEL A THING”.

233. ) Being hit on the head with a ‘Take That’ CD seems inevitable, really.

234. ) You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

235. ) Facebook is telling me to “reconnect” with my brother…hmmm, I see him everyday 😀

236. ) If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

237. ) I’m smiling. This should scare you.

238. ) My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

239. ) WE LIVE IN THE ERA OF SMART PEOPLE AND STUPID PEOPLE.

240. ) “This love triangle is WAY too complicated.”—Pythagoras’ other woman

241. ) Going to temple/church/mosque doesn’t make you a human, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car…

242. ) If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can’t speak English…

243. ) I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

244. ) I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

245. ) Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

246. ) The only people that can accurately weigh up the pros and cons are prison guards.

247. ) Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

248. ) If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

249. ) LIFE IS LIKE A HOT BATH. IT FEELS GOOD WHILE YOU’RE IN IT, BUT THE LONGER YOU STAY IN, THE MORE WRINKLED YOU GET. ];

250. ) You know, I joined People Per Hour over six months ago. and they haven’t sent me a single person in all that time.

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